Cheerful in the New Year

Happy New Year lovies! ❤

Last year was a flash in the dark, brilliant and completely blinding. 2018 saw a move back in my with family, the loss of a dear friend to miscommunication, the loss of another friend to something much darker, the loss of myself to my past, and the loss of who I thought I was to expectation. The pain felt completely unbearable. I did a great job of pushing those I wanted to be close to away. My heart gave darkness an open invitation to consumption and darkness readily accepted. Making it through felt impossible, yet I did.

Being accepted at face value and learning a better way of living would have never been possible if not for the help of the incredible friends I’ve made. They’ve taught me that reaching my hand out and grabbing theirs is not a sign of weakness. I need people. I need a connection. I need to feel close but within my boundaries. I’ll never be touchy-feely with people I’m not romantically interested in and I’ll never be readily open with sharing the more intimate parts of myself with people I’m not close with. I take the relationships in my life very seriously, the intensity is in my very bones. I can maintain acquaintances, and those can lead to friendship assuming there is a healthy level of respect between the parties involved. My voice may be sweet and my demeanor gentle, but I can’t be run over. Trees with firm and solid roots are difficult to bulldoze.