Lately, there’s been an interesting fog over my future. I’m uncertain in ways I’ve never been before and I find it difficult to properly articulate what it means. Quitting my job in November of last year was the right choice and I feel no remorse with that decision. Taking my latest gig was definitely what I needed to do and that feels solid. I’m not positive about what my next step should be and I don’t feel comfortable in uncertainty when it comes to my life. Maybe it takes time and patience to feel like things are falling into place and there’s a definite possibility that I’m rushing to find answers I’m not ready for – something I’m very good at.
There’s a part of me longing to dream up a new fantasy to live out before I really give chasing this one a chance. Following my truth is happening right now, and running away in fear from what I could be is pointless. Life is short, I only get this one shot at being my happiest self and I can’t blow it on something as lame as fear. Despite any difficulty, I can’t give up on myself and I have to see this through to the end. If I could spend five years with a jerk of a man, believing so wholeheartedly in his dreams and following him everywhere he decided to go – I can do the same for myself.
Writing may not be the ultimate dream as I’d initially believed, but the road I’m on will lead me to something bigger than I am. The road my Higher Power has laid out for me. I’ll definitely be scared going about it, that much I know for certain, but fear isn’t my blockade any longer, it’s only myself. I think I can manage to get over her.